I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Damn victory sex feels great
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
