On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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