i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
