She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
