pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
