The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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