i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
