Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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