i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
