I'm really into asian looking animals
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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