Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
