I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
