You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
