If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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