i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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