my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
