I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
