I just threw up on my dentist
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
