what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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