Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
