So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
