yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
