She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
