dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Randomize
