i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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