maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize