nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
