jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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