I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
