I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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