Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize