So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
