Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Whod you bang
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
