I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
