She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
