it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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