yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
false alarm, still single
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