I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
