As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
should my penis look like a turkey
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
