my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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