Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
