Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
