know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize