I hate your face
I think I won the penis lottery.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
