he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
