Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize