I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
