while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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