So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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