my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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