This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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