Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
