dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
