Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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