i think my mom watched the whole time
tell your sister to shave her snatch
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
