put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
