You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
