mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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