hotel room ftw
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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