i'm signing you up for texting rehab
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
