I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
