Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
