we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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