Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
