don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
