Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
