I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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