Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
