Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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