i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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