this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
