I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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