how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
